Waardeer de kus van het leven.

Waardeer de kus van het Leven.
Tja, op enig moment verschijnt de mogelijkheid van de dood in ons leven. De aanleiding kan zijn een overlijden van een dierbare, een ernstige ziekte, aftakeling, het verouderingsproces: er komt een moment in ons leven dat we werkelijk beseffen dat ons leven hier op aarde eindig is. En in deze tijd, met alle uitdagingen waar de mensheid voor staat (o.a. klimaatverandering, uitputting van natuurlijke bronnen) worden we collectief gedwongen om dit besef van vergankelijkheid tot ons door te laten dringen: we kunnen niet ongestraft doorgaan met het leeg roven en uitbuiten van de aarde en haar bewoners. Liefdeloosheid en egocentrisme dienen getransformeerd te worden, alleen dan is er een radicale shift mogelijk.

Afgelopen jaren, in het bijzonder tijdens de zomermaanden wanneer we in ons huis in het buitenland verblijven, realiseer ik me op een diep niveau dat ook dit avontuur op een dag ophoudt. Met ‘dit avontuur’ bedoel ik ons verblijf hier, in de natuur, de diepe stilte van deze omgeving, de fietstochten en wandelingen die we maken over de heuvels en de velden, de weidsheid en uitgestrektheid van het landschap, het huis waarin we verblijven met een uitzicht over de heuvels… O, wat is het een zegen om hier te zijn…en het houdt op een dag allemaal op.

De laatste jaren bijvoorbeeld, tobt mijn vriendin met haar gezondheid…er was zelfs op enig moment een overweging om niet te komen wegens fysieke beperkingen. Onze uitwisseling hierover triggerde wederom het besef van vergankelijkheid: het samen delen van dit avontuur kent een einde. Of ik ga dood of de ander valt weg. En als ik dan zo gaande ben, al wandelend, fietsend, zwemmend, uithangend in de tuin, onderhoud verrichtend aan het huis en de tuin, dan flits zo nu en dan de volgende zin door me heen: ook dit eindigt…, ook dit eindigt. Gaande de afgelopen jaren verdiept dit besef van vergankelijkheid zich meer en meer…, alles is mij zo lief…, een onthechtingsproces is gaande…
Op een dag is ‘mijn’ lief er niet meer, op een dag moet ik afscheid nemen van ‘mijn’ hartsvriendin en houdt ons verblijf hier in het buitenland op… heftig… en … tegelijkertijd ken ik de ervaring van een plotsklaps loslaten van dat wat mij dierbaar is (de dood van onze dochter in 2016). Wanneer het moment daar is dat ook dit avontuur eindigt, om wat voor reden dan ook, dan kan er verdriet zijn, maar ook een volledige aanvaarding van wat zich voltrekt… Juist door een diep besef van de eindigheid der dingen.

De andere kant van deze medaille, het gegeven dat alles vergankelijk is, maakt dat het samen zijn in deze omgeving niet meer als vanzelfsprekend wordt ervaren, maar als een diep geschenk. En als mijn vriendin afgelopen jaar uiteindelijk beslist om toch de stap te wagen om te komen, ondanks de fysieke beperkingen…, dan genieten we intens van onze uitwisselingen, humor en plezier. We genieten van elkaars aanwezig zijn…, juist door dat besef dat op een dag deze vorm van samen zijn ophoudt te bestaan.

Geboren worden betekent nu eenmaal op een dag sterven. Je zou zelfs kunnen zeggen dat onze geboortedatum een sterfdatum is. Vanaf die dag begint eigenlijk het aftellen. Iedere dag die achter ons ligt, brengt ons dichterbij de dood.
Zo stuurde Boeddha de novices een aantal maanden naar de burning ghats waar de lijken aan de rivier de Ganges werden gecremeerd, om dag in, dag uit het thema vergankelijkheid en de dood in te drinken. Dat was o.a. hun voorbereiding op de eindigheid en de vergankelijkheid van het bestaan, waarin tevens de boodschap besloten lag, die omschreven kan worden als: vergooi je leven niet, beschouw het niet als vanzelfsprekend, voordat je het weet is het einde in zicht en ontdek je dat alles waar je je zo druk over hebt gemaakt eenvoudigweg er niet meer toe doet, gebruik de tijd die je is gegeven om tot onvoorwaardelijke liefde en waarheid te komen, om de realiteit te ontdekken zoals die is, zonder al die vervormingen vanuit de mind. Dat dient jou en de mensheid, de aarde… want Liefde heelt.

Uiteenlopende vormen van verlies bereiden ons voor en confronteren ons met de tijdelijkheid van het bestaan en met de illusie van een ‘ik’ die meent het leven naar zijn/haar hand te kunnen zetten: je verliest je baan, het bedrijf gaat failliet, je gezondheid laat je in de steek, relaties gaan over, een dierbare overlijdt etc. Het gebeurt, of jij dat nu wil of niet wilt… We worden gedwongen om afscheid te nemen…, we worden gedwongen om los te laten: het bestaan helpt ons om op die manier ons voor te bereiden op verlies, op de dood zelf en het doorzien van de illusie van een ‘ik’ dat aan het roer staat. Het is de identificatie met het ‘ik’ (wat ik leuk vind of niet leuk vind, wat ik wil of niet wil) wat de oorzaak is van al het lijden in ons en in de wereld.

We beseffen het niet…, maar uiteindelijk is alles in het bestaan onzeker (en daar ga jij dus niet over) en ieder moment voltrekt zich een geboorte en dood: wat nu is, is ‘straks’ voorbij en we weten niet wat het volgende moment brengt; niets geen houvast en zekerheid en toch willen we ons vast klampen (wat lijden veroorzaakt): aan een huis, baan, relatie, gezondheid, aan een godsdienst die ons een schijnhouvast geeft van een volgend leven, een hemel of een hel.

Eén kant van de medaille…, we hechten aan het leven, maar in hoeverre is vastklampen aan het leven werkelijk Leven? Leven vanuit een ontspannen staat van zijn, in overgave met dat wat is? In overgave met de loop der dingen, de veranderlijkheid van het bestaan waar jij niet over gaat? En toch ook weer wel: door je verantwoordelijkheid te nemen voor dat wat zich aandient en ons hart te openen.

En wat betekent vergankelijkheid en de dood nou eigenlijk? Ja, vormen houden op te bestaan. Het lichaam takelt af en sterft. Voor degenen die achterblijven is dat een reëel gegeven, het lichaam van degene die ons verlaat, leeft niet meer. Maar dat is dan ook alles wat we erover kunnen zeggen…, we weten helemaal niet wat de dood betekent voor degene die haar of zijn lichaam verlaat. Misschien is geboren worden op aarde, dood gaan bezien vanuit een andere dimensie.
En dood gaan zou kunnen betekenen dat we in een andere dimensie geboren worden. Wie zal het zeggen?

Enkele jaren geleden koos mijn vader op 90-jarige leeftijd voor euthanasie. In de weken voorafgaand aan zijn dood spraken we weleens over de dood en zei hij: er is niks, ik geloof daar niet in, het houdt gewoon op. Waarop ik zei: dat zou zo kunnen zijn, maar we weten het niet, hou het gewoon open… En op een ander moment zei ik op een luchtige toon: ik heb Simone (onze dochter die in 2016 overleed) gevraagd je op te halen bij de poort. En dan moest hij lachen… En zo speelden we wat over en weer over een mogelijk bestaan of niet bestaan na de dood. Op enig moment zei hij: ik geloof niet in een bestaan na de dood, maar als er wat is, dan pleeg ik een belletje en laat ik het jullie weten. Zo gezegd, zo gedaan. Drie uur na de euthanasie zei mijn moeder tijdens een etentje met het hele gezin: stil eens, ik hoor pa…, hij zegt: je hebt toch gelijk, er is wel wat…, het is hier heel mooi. Tja, het zou zomaar waar kunnen zijn…, we weten het niet.

Dat is het mysterie van het Bestaan…, het onzekere en onbekende; het mysterie wat Leven heet, voorbij de kop en de munt, voorbij de wereld van dualiteit (leven en dood, ik tegenover jij/wij etc.). Opgenomen in het Leven zelf betekent overgave aan dat wat is, aan dat wat zich ontvouwt. Dus ook aan sporen van hechting, wanneer deze uit de diepte van onze cellen zich aandient. De ontvouwing getuigt van een diepe schoonheid, ook al lijkt dat in onze ogen niet zo, omdat dat wat zich aandient, bijvoorbeeld ‘hechting’, als pijnlijk wordt ervaren. Het enige wat van ons wordt gevraagd is: er mee te zijn. Geen psychologische analyses of verklaringen en geen verzet tegen dat wat is. Simpelweg, vanuit presentie, aanwezig zijn bij dat wat zich aandient. Is er verdriet, dan is er verdriet, wees met wat er is.
Zo eenvoudig is het…

Sta eens stil bij al die vanzelfsprekendheden in je bestaan. En speel eens met de kant van de medaille die we veelal negeren: ook dit eindigt. Laat het diep door dringen en ontdek wat het effect daarvan is op het ervaren van het Leven zelf, in al zijn volheid en schoonheid, en jouw liefde voor de aarde zelf.

Kijk eens in de ogen van je lief… en voel de hartsverbinding (of niet): o, wat hou ik van jou, wat ben ik blij dat jij er bent…., want ik besef nu op een diep niveau dat onze aardse relatie eens eindigt en dat kan elk moment zich voltrekken: dat weten we niet.

Waarom in strijd leven met jezelf of met de ander? Waarom maken we ons zo druk over ons uiterlijk en image? Wat maakt dat we maar door blijven gaan met het najagen met van alles en nog wat? Sta eens stil…, keer naar binnen, ontdek de kracht van overgave. En vraag je eens in alle ernst af wat er werkelijk toe doet in jouw leven? Wat wil jij van binnenuit leven? Waarvoor wil jij de tijd, die jou hier op aarde is gegeven, gebruiken?

Vergooi je leven niet, want voordat je het weet…, is het voorbij.
De kus van het Leven duurt maar even.

 

www.bewustzijnscoaching.com
Facebook: Caroline Ootes, Ontwaken, Bewustzijnscoaching
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The heart speaks: a meeting in the supermarket.



I am in the supermarket to buy the last groceries for Christmas. 
At some point I hear someone calling my name: 'Ha Car...'. 
The voice sounds familiarly, well-known, even though I don't know yet to whom the voice belongs to. I turn around and look into the face of a man who is about 30 years old. I don't recognize him.
He sees from my eyes that there is no recognition and he says: 'Car, you know who I am, right?' 
I say: 'No, I don't recognize you..., I don't know who you are.'
While this exchange is going on, a picture of him from years ago appears before my mind's eye. Oh, it's Klaas...
Klaas says, 'It's me, Klaas.' 
'Yes, now I recognize you, I say, you have changed a lot. Your hair is different, another model..., and you have glasses and a red spot in your face that I haven't seen before..., and your whole appearance is different...' 'Yes, that's right', he says. 
I ask: 'How are you?' 
'Things are going well, he says. I have a different job since a few months, I am now a salesperson at an office.'
'You don't mean that, I say, that is really awesome.' 
'Yes, he says, I am finally gone as a salesman in a clothing shop.' 
And he talks about the change, the office, the colleagues, a big deal that he has managed to get in, the appreciation he received from his collegues and boss... 
And from that point on tears start to roll down my cheeks while Klaas is sharing his experiences. At some point, Klaas asks somewhat uncomfortable: 'What is happening in you, Car, do you have to cry? 
Are you crying for Simone?' (Simone is our daughter who died in the summer of 2016). 'No, I say, I'm not crying for Simone..., I'm so happy for you..., I feel so much thankfulness..., it feels like a blessing of the sky, a gift of existence that brought you and the company together..., and you are the right person for that job, I see you realizing those deals, you have all the qualities for it...,it feels so great for you..., I know you've wanted a change for a couple of years, you wanted to grow, go further, leave the branch of the clothing industry. I know that you have made efforts to develop yourself, but that the result didn't come true. I know your situation sometimes felt hopeless for you... as if you were forever tied to the job you had in the clothing store. And then to receive this message from you, after not having spoken to you for about 7 years..., yes, then I just feel love and gratitude..., I can feel what this change means to you...'
Klaas looks at me..., he is touched by my tears and words. He spreads his arms and I receive his invitation for a hugh. 
'Thank you, Klaas says, yes..., I am also very happy with this change..., you have felt that well Car, and expresses exactly how it is for me. And so we stand together in the supermarket, in each other's arms, while the tears flow in silence...
Wonderful... when the heart is open...


www.thehealingcircle.one
LinkedIn: Caroline Ootes

Transforming beliefs, the direct way.



There is an experience. The experience leads to a conviction and that conviction then determines our behavior. We are aware of some beliefs, but at the same time there are many convictions of which we are unaware that also determine our (avoidance) behavior. And whether or not we are aware of the conviction, the conviction travels with us for a large part of our lives (sometimes a whole life), unless we wake up - then the conviction(s) can extinguish.

It is actually too bizarre for words that one traumatic experience from the past can have such far-reaching consequences for the rest of our life. And yet, that’s how it is…

The fear that we could not fully bear and feel at that time gives an imprint in the nervous system. Example: An unpleasant experience with a horse in the past makes my body automatically react with fear when I get close to a horse. One painful experience led to the conviction: I am afraid of horses, horses are unpredictable and dangerous. Behavior: from puberty on I avoid horses. I would rather take a detour, out of fear, than drive past the horse. Unbelievable..., but true, because the experience of that time was stored unprocessed in the nervous system.

Well you can easily avoid horses in your life..., I don't meet them every day and when I meet them, it requires little effort to take a detour. Time passes, and before I know it 40 years have passed without an incentive to investigate the conviction that horses are scary, as I rarely meet any. On the contrary, I would be crazy..., you're not going to encounter something you're afraid of, right? What we are afraid of, we prefer to avoid, right?

So, many convictions travel with us for a lifetime..., and these convictions determine our behavior even though we often don't know that ourselves.

There are also convictions that you can't avoid, because you are faced with them every day. I will give some examples of such beliefs: people are not trustworthy, I am not good enough, my work has to be perfect, I am a egoist, life has to be nice and cozy, everyone makes demands on me, you have to be useful, doing nothing is not done, be successful etc.

All these convictions determine how we 'look' at the outside world, what 'vision' we have. The outside world reflects our inner world, our 'view'. If you are convinced that people are not trustworthy, then you look at other people through those glasses. In other words, you interpret the behavior of other people from the belief that lives in you.
What you believe is what you see.

What do you believe? What do you see? What are your convictions? Time and again we 'search' unconsciously for confirmation of our convictions, because we can not 'see' nothing else as long as we are still a prisoner of a certain conviction. You don't see the other person as he or she is, because, for example, the belief runs through your veins that the other person behaves irresponsibly and always will (can you look into the future?).

Time after time, we interpret the behavior of the other person from the beliefs that exist in us, beliefs that we picked up from childhood.

Another example. You look through the glasses 'I'm not good enough' and from those glasses you believe that every form of feedback is critical, any form of feedback is interpreted as 'not good enough'. You can't actually hear or meet the person that gives you feedback, because that conviction stands in between.

Until there comes a moment in our existence that we wake up. That we come apart from all those beliefs that prevent us from Living. Not by fighting the convictions or by eliminating them one by one (nothing needs to be done), but by recognizing the beliefs and challenging them when they are active.

If you are scared to open up your mouth in front of a group: go for it and experience, be aware what it brings about in your body without denying anything, be vulnerable, share with those who are present what goes through you (I find it very exciting to share something about myself, I notice that my heart beats faster and I don't know what I want to share etc.). You don't have to pretend otherwise than you are.

In addition to challenging beliefs, there is another approach that I want to bring to your attention: the direct path to the Self, to the eternal principle in us that doesn't come and doesn't go, is not born and doesn't die. It is our Divinity, our Nature.

Okay, there we go. Everything begins with 'seeing': becoming aware that convictions influence our perception. The consequence of this influence is: distortion of our perception, we do not see reality as it.

I can tell you, out of my own experience, recognizing beliefs isn't easy, because we are simply blind. The beliefs are printed so deeply in our nervous system..., it demands a lot of 'attention' to see them at all.

And the next step is: perceiving the conviction (for example: I am guilty) when it is activated in you. To see is to be free. A statement that I first heard years ago: to see is to be free. Everything begins with: seeing. Look..., just watch..., be witness to what the mind conjures up. That is all: look and if looking is really 'looking', then you become free from what the mind reflects (thoughts and emotions). You discover that you are not the emotions and thoughts, but THAT which watches the emotions and thoughts.

In other words: You are not guilty or stupid (conviction) unless you believe that. Look at this belief, don't go with it. Don't identify with it. Or do you think you were born guilty or stupid (or whatever...)? Guilty and stupid are labels stuck on us by parents, school, culture, religion. We have received all these beliefs from an early age and pass this package of convictions on to the next generation. An endless cycle of suffering.

And because we live in a collective field where we believe that we are our thoughts and emotions, we massively believe what we think and feel. We don't know better. We are en masse under hypnosis, asleep. We really think that thoughts and emotions determine our sense of Being. We fully identify with it (this is me). And yes..., many thoughts and emotions are painful, so we start looking for therapies that can deliver us from all sorts of psychological obstacles in the hope of getting happiness in return. Therapy has its place in life, especially when someone is very fragmented, but the concept of 'seeing' is something completly different than therapy or analyzing your problems based on past experiences. Analyzing and therapy will keep you identified with the level of the psyche. 'Seeing' is meant to transcend the level of the mind/the psyche (you are not your emotions and thoughts).

Okay, but if I'm not those emotions and thoughts (convictions), what am I? You are Consciousness. You are THAT what perceives the guilt or stupidity, but is completely separate from it: Witness Consciousness.

Witness Consciousness records everything that passes. I sometimes give clients the following picture: imagine a theater room. Within the theater there is a hall and a stage. The hall is the Witness Consciousness and the stage is the theater where life itself takes place. On the stage all experiences appear: the roles we play in life as mother, father, child, partner, teacher, politician, the critic, the adventurer, the child in us etc. and all convictions that are connected to those roles. All experiences that take place on stage are temporary; they come and go. And there is something that doesn't come and goes: that is you. And you (Consciousness, Buddha nature) are sitting in the hall and watching. You watch the movie of your life that takes place on stage. "You" stands for Witness Consciousness (awareness).

In reality, nobody is in the room. Witness consciousness is not a 'someone', it is a form of Consciousness: neutral, without judgment. From the perspective of the room you look at everything that happens on stage. That's all..., look...

It seems so simple, but the phenomenon of 'looking' has a solid pitfall, because we have such a strong identification with everything the mind mirrors us. What is the pitfall? If you watch and condemn yourself for what you see on stage, then you are a prisoner of what happens on stage, you are not in the hall at that moment, but on stage: a part of the ego appears on stage that provides criticism, compares and judges.

That is not the Witness Consciousness. Witness Consciousness has no opinions. It is like an eye that looks lovingly from the hall to the antics that take place on stage. By 'witnessing' (it grows from within, you can't 'do’ it and at the same time it does require some effort on our part), we get rid of all the dramas that take place on the stage, we get rid of all convictions that cause the feeling of drama, they extinguish by looking at it.

That is why this road is also called the direct way. No efforts by the psychological way, but again and again you take place in the hall and watch what happens on the stage, without identification. And also challenge the beliefs in real life.

From my own experience I can tell you that these last sentences meant a developmental path of several years for me. You can't enforce Witness Consciousness, it occurs from within. By being present in the hall, space is created around the experiences on stage, we are no longer (completely) involved, so we are no longer (completely) occupied with what happens to us on the stage: we can look at it (Witness Consciousness). It is then possible to gradually (or suddenly) separate from identification with the beliefs themselves, because we gradually (or suddenly) come home to our Self (Consciousness, Being). Your point of perception change: first the structure (mind/ego) is at the forefront and we believe that we are our thoughts and emotions, then the focus shifts to Witness Consciousness and we experience on a deeper level that that is our actual home.

Collectively, there is no form of support for our Buddha nature, because in real life no one is at home in the Self. That makes it difficult, because everything and everyone around us confirms the old concept of humanity (we are the mind). We are our emotions and thoughts, we think. So it takes a lot to wake up against the current stream of the dream state (the dramas on stage). We simply don't know the way, we have never had education in meditation, in self-examination, in awareness.

In addition, we also haven't learned to deal with pain, to be fully present at a painful event. We prefer to close our eyes and avoid pain; we don't know what to do with feelings like loneliness, desolation, anxiety and the like. But there is a way out, thank God, there is a way out of suffering, for everyone... Witness Consciousness is the first step, besides investigating and challenging your convictions. Once at home in the hall, a big reward awaits us: Liberation.

But how does it work? Does this mean that the beliefs disappear like snow in the sun when they are observed? That is possible, but usually it takes more time before the Witness Consciousness unfolds fully.

In order to sketch a possible course of development for the release of the beliefs, I give an example of how a belief can change over time: 'I feel so guilty' (you are the emotion, you believe the emotion) changes into 'I feel guilty' (there is identification, but it doesn't feel so heavy anymore). This changes into: 'I notice that a sense of guilt is triggered' (the identification on the belief is released) and from there it changes into 'a (slight) touch in your body of guilt without any identification with the guilt itself (the energy of guilt is still tapped into the body, from the imprint in the nervous system, but there is no identification with the emotion). And that changes into: the guilt goes out, it disappears from the system. The identification on 'guilt' (or any other emotion/belief) gradually extinguishes by staying deeper and deeper in Witness Consciousness.

And sometimes some extra work is needed, especially in those situations where Witness Consciousness was not 'on', because the trigger, the pain, the conviction took us over completely. I have written about that in other blogs. Pain/suffering is caused by identification. Identification means that you believe what you see: it is really true what I see. Examples: he is not an reliable person; it is really true that I am not good enough; it is really true that I am lonely etc. If we are identified, we don't see that we are a prisoner of the beliefs, we just don't know, there is no awareness.

The way out is Witness Consciousness. The deeper the Witness Consciousness is 'on' (so to speak), the more we realize that we are not the puppets on the stage, but THAT  which sees the puppets: the loving eye, which is without judgment. And then the identification with the puppets on the stage comes apart. We are no longer dragged along by a conviction, we can investigate the conviction and experience the pain associated with it and we can take steps to challenge the conviction (very important). When there is Witness Consciousness, pain is experienced very differently (no longer as a phenomenon that has to be avoided). It then becomes possible to totally experience the pain that has never been felt, causing it to dissolve. Then feeling 'loneliness', without psychology, without a story around it, purely experiencing the emotion in the root, is a 'gift'.

For many this sounds unbelievable, until Witness Consciousness is in the foreground. Then we realize that everything is..., nothing has to go, preference or rejection of certain emotions and thoughts ceases to exist. Then there is room in us to fully experience those difficult, painful emotions. And then the beliefs fade. We are more and more at home in our Self.

If this appeals to you, the way to liberation, and you want to reflect on your convictions/triggers and how you can challenge the beliefs in daily life, then you are most welcome.

Which convictions do you see? And which convictions do you not see because you are still blind? Ask someone for feedback and be prepared to examine it: from love and attention of the heart. And experiment with 'attention', with Witness Consciousness. Take a step back and look from the hall... from the loving eye. Everything that you give attention... grows. What do you pay attention to? To the mind? The ego? You are guilty, not good enough etc.?  Or do you feed the essence that you are: Consciousness & Love.
So that you become free from the 'dramas' of life. It feels like 'drama', because you see it like this. You don't know better. Go beyond that. Come home in your Heart.
Come home into your Self.



www.thehealingcircle.one
LinkedIn: Caroline Ootes

Ways to feel and dissolve (existential) pain.



Projection: I have no one, I feel lonely ...

How can I get to the root of a particular pain? And are there other ways to break through identification with the mind, identification with the 'I' (the source of all suffering)? 
Yes, there are other direct roads to liberation that I will share in another blog, but first some depth on feeling pain.

Feeling pain is really only necessary when the pain is actual. In other words: the pain feels so real that you can't ignore it. Often we are fully identified with the pain, fully identified with the story that the mind has figured out for this pain. For example, you feel deeply and deeply lonely, no one who really loves you, you think..., all alone. And you can't detach yourself from the story that the mind has thought about as the cause: I feel lonely, I am all alone and that is because I have no partner. You fully believe the picture that the mind offers you. You don't realize that you are not alone and have never been alone. How can you be alone at all if you are part of life itself? How can you be alone if you are part of existence itself? In addition, there are always people around you: people you meet in the supermarket, colleagues, friends, family etc.

You are not alone, you feel alone, you feel lonely, as every person feels deep down alone through the pain of separation, the identification with an 'I'.

We believe the story that the mind comes up with (I am alone, because I have no partner) and don't realize that the pain originates in the separation, which takes place at a young age, when we are confirmed time and again by our environment that we are a self-contained person, an 'I', who is separate from others, an 'I' who is separate from life itself, separate from other life forms: there is a separation, which is not real, but feels that way (=the ego).

As long as we don't see through the 'I' and the mind, the mind will create a story about the pain we are experiencing on that moment: I feel lonely and that is because I have no partner.

Looking from the perspective of our actuality, we can conclude that, for example, we live alone, without a relationship, that is all. The pain of loneliness is triggered by the stories that the mind creates: you think you need others to experience light and love in your existence. You seek light and love outside yourself, in others, instead of discovering Light and Love within yourself. Okay, so is it then..., for the moment. You are fully identified with "loneliness" and the story surrounding it.

How do you embrace that pain? asked a blog reader.
The moment the pain is clearly present and you are on your own: go inside. For example, use music: songs that release the pain 'loneliness' for you, so that the grief which is hidden behind the thought 'I feel lonely and that is because I have no partner' can start flowing.

Realize it's a picture (even if it doesn't feel like it now), a story based on identification with the mind. The real origin of this pain is not that you are alone, but that you deep down feel separate from others, from existence, and above all from yourself ... through identification with an 'I' and identification with the mind.

Be totally present with this primal pain called 'loneliness'. Go all the way in and be present, be aware while the pain is melting down. Feel where the pain of 'loneliness' resides in your body: your belly, heart, throat ...? And be present.

Yes..., but what do you mean by 'be present'?
By that I mean that there is "something" that perceives this pain, otherwise you would not be aware at all that the pain of loneliness has been triggered in you.

How do you know that a certain pain is active in you?
You know that, because there is "something" (Consciousness) that perceives this pain. I call that 'something' 'presence'.

It is also called Buddha nature or Pure Awareness or Beingness.

Our essence is Consciousness (Pure Awareness) and within that Consciousness the primal pain 'loneliness' appears. From that 'something', from Pure Awareness, look at this pain and allow the pain to the bone, so that it can melt. No stories, no analyzes ...

Yes, it is possible that some images from the past are triggered spontaneously, memories that are linked to 'loneliness'..., see them pass by without being absorbed, they are memories, past times, just ideas that have no reality value in the NOW, the experiences are (long since) over, they no longer exist in the present, and bottom line it is not about loneliness linked to certain experiences in this life (those are only superficial layers of pain related to the personality), but it is about loneliness, which comes from our state of being as humanity: it is the pain of separation. So feel this primal pain, the pain of separation, that's what it is all about: feel completely how 'loneliness' feels..., so that this primal pain can melt.

If you are not Present with this pain, you lose yourself in the pain, then you become the pain yourself, you become totally identified with the feeling of loneliness and you can no longer see (no Awareness) that the mind creates a story about loneliness, you think your story is really true, that you are really lonely, because there is no partner in your life on this moment; the result is that you feel deeply miserable. Then you are in the grip of the mind (ego), then you don't see that we are all afflicted with the pain of separation (it is not something personal). The solution is not finding a partner, the solution is not in the outside world. The solution lies in understanding the cause of this pain: identification with an 'I' and identification with the mind. Hence the importance of Awareness.

Throughout our life we ​​have been focused on avoiding pain. Go the other way: meet the pain, from Awareness, and discover its effect. You see reality as it is again, without the story of the pain of loneliness, and you have given space and attention to melting this primal pain.

In addition to music, you can also use other inputs to express the pain of loneliness, for example painting or other creative expressions. Do not force, turn inside when the pain is topical (severe). See which entrance works for you.

Well, that is waking up: realizing that you are not the story (I am lonely, because ...), but you are That where the story appears in (Beingness, Pure Awareness). When you realize That, you become detached from identification with emotions/thoughts; then we are able to meet the pain (without resistance) from awareness. 

And you can't force the shift from mind to Beingness or Pure Awareness…, that is Grace…
You can work with the pain that arises when the pain is triggered (feeling loneliness). You can  see through the mechanism of projection (which pictures do I stick to reality?) and above all investigate deeper and deeper the identification with an 'I'..., but the shift from the emotional/mental layer to That (Pure Awareness) is something you can't control…, you can't do it..., it awakes in you at some point in time as Awareness. And then it really becomes possible to allow old pain to the bottom.

And are there other ways to break through identification with the mind/ego, with emotions and thoughts (the pictures)? Yes, above all meditation. And a 'method' described in the blog: transforming beliefs, the direct way.

If you need support, feel free to contact me.


www.thehealingcircle.one
LinkedIn: Caroline Ootes